You Don’t Know Me…
So many different sides to me; different angles; story lines in my everyday existence that never intersect. I feel as though I am several characters rolled into one. Some of these characters I kind of like; the others only complicate my life. Instead of eliminating the complications I seem to thrive on them. I’ve chosen to see these characters within me as complications for now with the potential for creating a better ME in the future. I could be completely wrong… it’s a definite possibility that I use this as an excuse in my ever twisting mind.
I don’t know me… maybe it’s the stage of my life I’m in… the situations that led up to my here and now… constantly having to deal with change on a grand scale. I don’t know??? So if you don’t know me and I don’t know me… who does? Does it matter? What if it does matter? Well, if it does matter I’m in a heap of trouble! Damn… I despise trouble… hope that’s not the scenario in store for this ole gal.
When I’m alone and all of these characters are forced to look at one another I realize that they have one thing in common. Their constant desire for me to learn to trust again. These characters want to be revealed to someone other than myself. Not just a few here and there to this person and then that person. But truly revealed so they can come together as one.
Keeping the characters in my mind separate is a defense mechanism I use to protect myself from deception. I KNOW deception well… it creates a bitterness in me that is self-defeating. To avoid deception; I tossed trust to the side. I trust no one; nothing. This feeling is equally self-defeating. In my mind the lesser of the two evils (upfront distrust vs. trusting then being deceived); I’ve chosen distrust.
Maybe some day all of me will come together as one… maybe not… maybe it doesn’t really matter after all.
Who Did You Think I Was--John Mayer (opening act for Sheryl Crow concert--YAY!)
I don’t know me… maybe it’s the stage of my life I’m in… the situations that led up to my here and now… constantly having to deal with change on a grand scale. I don’t know??? So if you don’t know me and I don’t know me… who does? Does it matter? What if it does matter? Well, if it does matter I’m in a heap of trouble! Damn… I despise trouble… hope that’s not the scenario in store for this ole gal.
When I’m alone and all of these characters are forced to look at one another I realize that they have one thing in common. Their constant desire for me to learn to trust again. These characters want to be revealed to someone other than myself. Not just a few here and there to this person and then that person. But truly revealed so they can come together as one.
Keeping the characters in my mind separate is a defense mechanism I use to protect myself from deception. I KNOW deception well… it creates a bitterness in me that is self-defeating. To avoid deception; I tossed trust to the side. I trust no one; nothing. This feeling is equally self-defeating. In my mind the lesser of the two evils (upfront distrust vs. trusting then being deceived); I’ve chosen distrust.
Maybe some day all of me will come together as one… maybe not… maybe it doesn’t really matter after all.
Who Did You Think I Was--John Mayer (opening act for Sheryl Crow concert--YAY!)
posted by Gaye at 8:06 AM
6 Comments:
it's hard to trust when you've been lied to and let down so many times.
I know the feeling sugar. Trust most of all in yourself, the real you is there, and shows herself in little ways all the time.
Getting to know you ( if you allow it) is an adventure. Getting to know anyone is a journey into the unknown just when you think you know someone they change or let out their other side.
I always try to remain me, warts and all. Not that have warts i meant bad habits errrrr not that I have bad habbits, well just some ,well they ain't that bad, well some might think they are , OH NO! I have done it again!!!!
Changed the subject, made some laugh OH NO!!!!
That's just me and all my bits.
Bugga I am just like you!
Well not entirely, I mean you a woman and I am a man errrrrblah blah blah...........
Who Do We Think We Are?
I haven't encountered any of your many characters that I didn't like and find to be an outstanding individual.
When you've been slapped around it is damned hard to trust, G.E.G. We have a tendancy to blame some aspect of our character. We may place our trust in someone that doesn't deserve it, but it is their bad.
Soar!
So what you're saying is that you have multiple personalities, and they're starting to have a food fight? That sucks.
Look on the bright side. 'Least you've got friends who're always with you.
But wait a minute. What if we commenters are all just characters in your mind? What if we're not really here, but just inside your head, throwing pies at each other?
Omg... I need a Coke.
hey there, email me so i can share something with you and lindsey.
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