Boys Start Early These Days...

How was your day? Mine was the usual cleaning, washing, sweeping, putting clothes away, checking out blogs, taking care of dogs; oh! and the Revenue Office.

It was time to renew my tags. I thought I'd beat the crowd by going today instead of waiting until Friday or Tuesday. Well everybody had the same idea as me because it was full--only one employee working--the wait was on!

I sat down to wait my turn and instantly made friends with the cutest little boy--he was probably between 2 and 3 years old. His smile was precious--he had a dimple on both cheeks. He clenched a brochure on boats in his hand and never let go of it--he loved boats! He had been waiting since 7 in the morning to go fishing--it was now 2 in the afternoon. I'm sure his patience was wearing thin, but he was surprisingly taking it rather well.

He told me a story that involved boats--actually that's the only word I understood, but I pretended to understand completely--even adding to his story--he liked that. His grandmother told me that his favorite part of fishing was playing with the fish in the boat after they caught them. He would play with them until they died. If they didn't watch him really close, he would throw the fish back into the water--that meant no fish for supper...

During our wait me and the cute little boy became more and more comfortable with each other--undoubtedly too comfortable. This sweet little innocent baby reached for my boob and made contact--this was his intention. The next reach was not for contact, but rather to grab it--he was successful!! He was grinning from ear to ear--just like a damn man--and I was anticipating his next move. I had everything under control. I took his hands in mine and restarted the boat story--his weapons (his hands) were in mine so the embarrassment was over, right? HELL NO!!

His mother drew attention to the whole incident by getting on to him and threatening to spank him. He had already forgotten all about it until she reminded him of my boobs again. Well here he came; straight for them. This was not the first time this cute little boy had "felt up" the opposite sex. Another grab--damn! (thinking) Please keep your mouth shut cute little boy's mom--didn't happen--got on to him again. Everyone in the Revenue Office witnessed me getting sexually harrassed by a toddler--I was mortified!


Finally, the cute little boy's mom got her car tags and off they went fishing. I think I'll mail my renewal in next year--I'm not fond of being groped; especially by a toddler.

Titties and Beer--Jeff Foxworthy

Thinkin' About Shit...

The title of this post may be misleading--I'm not actually thinking about this and that--but rather just plain ole shit. Shit is a funny thing--it smells really bad, makes a big mess, can make even the strongest of stomachs weak--yet in the correct form can be used in a beneficial way.

Think about it...Cow manure is nothing more than just plain cow shit; yet when worked into a flower bed or garden it can help make beautiful things grow. Who would've ever thought something coming out of a cow's ass would come in so handy?! Hell, we even pay money for it--go figure...

Shit gets a really bum rap I think. The word itself is so fun to say, but its use is discouraged because it's naughty. When you ram your toe into a corner, what's the one thing (I mean the only thing) that makes you feel better right away--you got it--scream the word "SHIT!" It works way better than neosporin and a bandaid. It's medicinal value is priceless.

My philosophy on shit is as follows--if the smelly kind of shit can be used in a beneficial way, then why can't we take life's shit that is thrown at us and figure out how to make it work for us in a positive way? WAIT A MINUTE--I think this is called "learning a lesson"--shit, and I thought I was on to something here...